ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
