Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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