Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
