Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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