Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
