I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
