Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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