Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
