i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need moral support for this bender
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
