its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize