That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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