Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
