she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
