Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I touched a dick in church today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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