no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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