we're blogging at a bar
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
