Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
