So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize