Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
