He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
