She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
