I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
