she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize