So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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