In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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