Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
