He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
