you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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