Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
