Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
