Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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