Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
