He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
