If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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