lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
