Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
