Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
