He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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