Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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