I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A bitchslap is in order.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
