this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
