I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
