I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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