it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
