Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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