Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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