i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
