The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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