Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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