I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
