you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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