do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
