Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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