I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
