you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
