I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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