At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
