Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
