good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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