Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
