I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
