What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
