Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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