I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
